6 months ago on 05/07/2020 at 11:15 AM
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Ok so not only was I going crazy with this whole quarantine now I have my husband who broke his ankle last week had surgery and is now mad at the world near Park Ridge! I’m doing everything for him and not to mention the kids I’m exhausted and frustrated I have been the wicked witch of the house to all lately trying to keep everyone on schedule with e learning going outside to play breakfast lunch dinner house chores making sure my crabby husband is getting everything and so much more I guess my question is how can I keep sane how can I get a breathe of fresh air without having to worry about family or house duties is possible to even take a moment to just take for me? Sorry just venting. This page is always the best on giving great ideas and positive vibes. Thank you

65 Comments:

6 months ago on 05/07/2020 at 11:18 AM

It’s okay to let balls drop. I only clean off the kitchen counter twice a day. Beds are unmade. I take time for me even if that is locking the bathroom door and turning on the shower so I can’t hear the kids fighting.

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6 months ago on 05/07/2020 at 11:19 AM

Sorry Gina. That sounds next level difficult. Practice forgiveness for yourself if u are not coping or as positive as you would like. it is the situation not you. And teachers will understand if stuff just does not get done with remote learning. Hope you find a moment if peace today bc we all know you deserve it.

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6 months ago on 05/07/2020 at 11:29 AM

Broken ankle CAN'T IMAGINE WHAT your going thru My gets a cold and I want to leave the state TRY something different Order in eat outside Don't expect everything to be perfect This is the day Make the best of it

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6 months ago on 05/07/2020 at 11:31 AM

We hear you, Gina! You are not alone. You are doing a great job. Hang in there!

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6 months ago on 05/07/2020 at 11:31 AM

Yuck. I’m sorry and you are doing the best you can. Try to go for walks. I find a morning walk to clear my head has helped me. And I’ve let go on some of the housework. And I have not done any of the cleaning out of the closet and home repairs and spring cleaning yet. I am just trying to keep the status quo

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6 months ago on 05/07/2020 at 11:37 AM

Short answer. I have three words of advice. boundaries, boundaries, and boundaries. And one more phrase. self-care. More specifically. 1) I try to get up before everyone or stay up later than everyone to get some alone time every day. I know that's not always possible, but I would be (even more) insane if I didn't do that almost every day. If you can spend it walking, getting some fresh air, or doing some sort of exercise, all the better. 2) If you can create even a very flexible daily schedule, it could help to manage expectations. "Lunch is at noon. Do not ask me if you can eat it before that. TV time is at 3pm. Do not ask me before that. etc. " 3) Assign at least cups for the day and use paper plates whenever possible! This can really cut down on dirty dishes. 4) Men get angry when they cannot do what they expect themselves to be able to do. That's his deal, not yours. Let him know he can be angry, but he may not be obnoxious. You are doing your best and if that's not good enough for him, maybe he should check into a nursing home for the remainder of his convalescence. My husband also just had surgery, but after several other ones where I set boundaries (like when he also broke his ankle), he knows not to push me. 5) Do not feel guilty about screen-time or any other seemingly useless use of time. This is a bizarre time and all bets are off. 6) Ignore Suzie-Homemaker's Pinterest-perfect crafts and meals. She's not living your life. And she's probably drunk by 2pm every day. ;) 7) Buy some puzzles. Seriously. We've never done large puzzles, but a friend recently gave us one and we all did it together. It took a lot of time, made everyone cooperate, seemed to relieve stress, and felt like a good use of our time. 8) Forgive yourself for any perceived "failings. " You are under a tremendous amount of stress right now. You will get through this, but you need to be nice to yourself in action and in word. 9) Pray. <3 I'll be praying for you too. :)

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6 months ago on 05/07/2020 at 11:40 AM

I agree with Julia long walks(alone) listening to my favorite jams has done wonders for my mental health

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6 months ago on 05/07/2020 at 11:46 AM

The struggle is real. Be sure to have your children help you with all of daily chores, including taking care of “the crab”. 😄. No one can be expected to do all of the things demanded of us at this unprecedented time. Just do what you can. Everyone will be fine. Take some alone time, no matter how much your family demands every second from you. They will be fine.

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6 months ago on 05/07/2020 at 11:53 AM

I have a house full of adult kids and it tends to get crazy and messy and blah. I am beyond stressed doing online work, caring for my fam, sick mom and elder grandma! Coloring is relaxing to me! I go to my basement to avoid loud hip hop or my girls arguing! Walk a lot mid day or early morning (if u can escapee) when it’s quiet outside while listening to podcasts or ebooks. Exercise is a win! Maybe your husband can color too relax his own mind! Sorry Gina! xoxoxo

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6 months ago on 05/07/2020 at 11:56 AM

Thank you everyone for the great advice! I’m sorry I know everyone is going thru the same thing in different ways ! Sorry for sounding selfish

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6 months ago on 05/07/2020 at 11:58 AM

We are all in this together! I keep thinking of people having it worse than me and counting my blessings. Order out tonight! Stay strong!

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6 months ago on 05/07/2020 at 12:08 PM

Try the app Head space.

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6 months ago on 05/07/2020 at 12:11 PM

Put him in a wheel chair and go for a walk

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6 months ago on 05/07/2020 at 12:15 PM

I go for a long walk and then I come back and hide in my car and listen to the radio. I even put the seat down all the way and took a power nap one time. You're no use to ANYONE if you're burnt out. Also, I'm not sure of the ages of your kids, but letting go of a set school schedule really helped us. As long as the work is done, as long as they get outside, as long as they're fed, it really doesn't matter what time they do stuff.

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6 months ago on 05/07/2020 at 12:17 PM

Go for a drive, windows down and blast all your favorite music.

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6 months ago on 05/07/2020 at 12:22 PM

I am on the same boat! Nice to see I'm not the only one. plus I start to think the elearning is done then I get a gazillion emails that's it's not! I feel like a freaken maid/nurse/teacher/ instacart shopper/ referee. Did I miss one

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6 months ago on 05/07/2020 at 12:23 PM

I don’t know you at all but think you need to cut yourself some slack! This entire situation sucks and your family just added an additional huge obstacle! My only advice is to remember that you need to put your own oxygen mask on before you can put it on others. I know as a mom and caretaker of an injured guy this has to be nearly impossible. Advice that was given to me in the past was to schedule in 1 thing everyday for you and rotate the activity. Either a show you like on tv, a walk by yourself, a hot soak in the tub, etc. but try to get it in no matter what! Hang in there!

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6 months ago on 05/07/2020 at 12:26 PM

Phone a girlfriend

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6 months ago on 05/07/2020 at 12:27 PM

My kids are all grown, but I really like Ashley Hawke's idea of the car nap with the seat down! I cannot imagine how all of you young mothers are coping! Stay strong!

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6 months ago on 05/07/2020 at 12:29 PM

Hang in there. Things will get better!

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6 months ago on 05/07/2020 at 12:31 PM

Yes I know the feeling. My husband has dementia and I fell caring for him and fractured my ankle and tore my ligament. You are not alone.

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6 months ago on 05/07/2020 at 12:39 PM

I feel you sister! ❤️

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6 months ago on 05/07/2020 at 12:42 PM

Download a meditation app like Calm or Breethe. Give yourself 10 minutes a day to breethe it will help.

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6 months ago on 05/07/2020 at 12:43 PM

Take the kids outside, there is nice place Lake Opeka in Des Plaines, breathe fresh air take a blanket, sit on lawn there, play cards or just talk with the kids. Not much choices where to take them . It sucks. Outside time helps a lot. Your husband? Well if you do already a lot for him he needs to realize he should appreciate you not to be frustrated . It`s not your fault.

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6 months ago on 05/07/2020 at 12:48 PM

Tell him to stop being a baby. Let the kids help you are not being selfish.

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6 months ago on 05/07/2020 at 12:51 PM

You can borrow a dog from a friend and go on a walk to recharge and also do a nice thing - pups will always cheer you up and don’t demand a thing! Hang in there!

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6 months ago on 05/07/2020 at 12:53 PM

First of all, talk to your husband! Honestly! Read what you wrote to him and tell him you need a break. Then, take one. Set him up in front of the TV and get out of there. Go for a walk, run, drive. Alone. If you kids are small, strap them in the car seat and head out. Order in food. Teach the kids how topic, up their stuff, do laundry etc. work together. And know that we love u 😘

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6 months ago on 05/07/2020 at 12:54 PM

I understand. I was having the same "conversation" (more like a rant) with my family this morning. Between caring for two kids, one of which is special needs, eLearning, cooking meals, keeping up with housework, and trying to work 8 hours/day from home for pay (which I'm blessed to have), I'm exhausted. My time is after they are all asleep. I watch Netflix. I ordered a book to read. And I think I just may take a drive without getting out of the car somewhere just to be by myself. You really do need to carve out "me" time however way you can. And I get my 13 year old to help out with some chores around the house, too.

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6 months ago on 05/07/2020 at 1:01 PM

I give all of you moms so much credit for being thrust into an extremely difficult situation of teaching, house keeping, cooking, therapist and whatever else you are doing all at the same time! But you must care for yourself or you're no good to anyone else. We weren't designed to do everything at one time. Take a walk even in the rain and ask God to give you strength every morning before starting your day. Then thank Him for getting you through the day without having a nervous breakdown. Believe me. He hears you and feels your distress. Have faith and trust Him to take care of you. My kids are grown but I know exactly how you feel! Prayer helps. always!

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6 months ago on 05/07/2020 at 1:09 PM

Also i gave the dishwasher to my 12 yr old and it has been a lifesaver. It is one of those never ending chores! He does it now 100% of the time and it actually helps! Hope the kids can take something off your plate. And i have told them that all Of our moods and treatment of each other is a circle. give what you get. and they have reigned in their negativity (for which i am grateful)! Give us an update on how you are doing anytime. #togetherapart, right?

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6 months ago on 05/07/2020 at 1:25 PM

Ugh! So sorry! Don’t worry about the remote learning. They will pass. And you can work on anything you are worried about with them in the summer, if you really need to. Delegate chores. My 1st grader loads and unloads the dishwasher. They all make their own breakfast. They clean up after every meal. Wiping down tables, sweeping, etc. They aren’t good at it, and I don’t care anymore if the stuff just sits in laundry baskets, but they are supposed to sort the clean laundry into their own piles, then fold and put away. But it just sits there and you know what? I don’t care anymore. Put them in front of a screen or let them play for 45 minutes and take a walk, talk with a friend, whatever. Take advantage of ordering out while supporting local businesses (if you can). And you are not selfish. My husband is AWFUL when he has a cold. I can’t imagine what he would be like with a broken foot.

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6 months ago on 05/07/2020 at 1:42 PM

That sounds like way too many balls to juggle. I agree with the other feedback on involving the kids in chores. My 6 and 9 years have their chores - we are all in this together and is good for building independence. Also let the cleaning go for a bit - no one is coming over so that is good. Lastly know you are doing the best you can and give yourself a hug!

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6 months ago on 05/07/2020 at 1:47 PM

You are a warrior! Not sure what the ages of your kids are but a few things to consider: it’s ok if the house isn’t perfect, make sandwiches for lunch in the morning put in fridge and everyone can grab their brown bag when they are hungry, if your kids are old enough teach them to do laundry. They aren’t going to ruin your sheets and towels this is a great time for them to learn how to make a bed together teaches problem solving skills. Wake up an hour earlier than everyone and enjoy your coffee, tea in peace. Hopefully you are doing grocery delivery or pick up and not lugging the grocery. Wal mary pick up is great. If a family meeting doesn’t work. Just walk out and get in the car at dinner time. I bet they figure it out really quick broken ankle or not! Geez. Try to have a great Mother’s Day. Hopefully part of it will be alone and not because you locked yourself in the bathroom

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6 months ago on 05/07/2020 at 2:06 PM

Just love them. Have a family meeting brainstorm ways everybody gets what they need. Movie time or story time with daddy. Children over 6 can help with daddy and chores. Pizza in a tent. Families help each other. Paper plates okay. Let mom have half and hour to herself. Older children can read to younger ones. Let go of having super clean house. Call in grandma if you have one in the area. Find puzzles, games, new anything to entertain. Put toys in closet for 5 days bring them out for 30 minutes of peace. 2 hours to 3 of screen time will not kill them. Teach them about $$ by having kids 5-10 picking dandelions out of yard.

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6 months ago on 05/07/2020 at 2:08 PM

I'm sure your husband has some pain, but I also imagine he has had some good pain meds. Depending on what doctor said for his recovery, I'm sure he is not completely helpless. He can have a pity party 15 min. Per day, then suck it up and say thank you for all you do my lovely wife!

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6 months ago on 05/07/2020 at 2:12 PM

Blessings to you and your family 💗. you are stronger than you know. It's a tough time. so be gentle on yourself. the kids school work does not have to be perfect. journaling is therapy and that is what you just did.

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6 months ago on 05/07/2020 at 2:18 PM

I take a long walk every day-rain or shine-and somehow it distracts me and makes me feel better just to get out of the house and get into a different environment.

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6 months ago on 05/07/2020 at 3:15 PM

I am so sorry - my husband had his appendix out during all of this so I was in the same boat about 4 weeks ago - let the elearning go - let your kids spend time video gaming or watching movies for a lazy day and take some time for yourself while they are all busy. Tell your husband to get over himself and help you - I know it sucks to have had surgery but it happened and the world did not stop - that is what I told my husband - lol - he didn’t expect it! Hugs to you!

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6 months ago on 05/07/2020 at 3:37 PM

Wine. 🍷

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6 months ago on 05/07/2020 at 3:47 PM

Sorry just have time for a quick comment. Take that daily walk. Put on the headphones and crank up some good tunes. For meals I like to make a list. Do easy stuff. You don’t need to make anything fancy. Love breakfast dinner, soup and sandwiches, etc. Schedule in some takeout meals too. And give yourself a break! Don’t try and be perfect!

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6 months ago on 05/07/2020 at 4:48 PM

Go e yourself a well deserved break! It’s ok if we don’t clean or do laundry. This is a time to quiet down , reflect and have the children join in and help. Have the kids make a fun chart. Cooking , pitching in, snack and “me” time! Please , slow down and you’ll get thru this! Nothing lasts forever! Take time for yourself. 🤗best of luck and have fun

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6 months ago on 05/07/2020 at 4:51 PM

Schedule everything including time for your self. To hell with cleaning sometimes. Make a poster and tasks as you mentioned and even 15 minutes for yourself snuck in throughout the day

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6 months ago on 05/07/2020 at 5:01 PM

I see a lot of comments telling you what you should DO. Seems to me you are doing an awful lot already. How about some down time .

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6 months ago on 05/07/2020 at 5:18 PM

Tequila

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6 months ago on 05/07/2020 at 5:57 PM

I think it’ll be great if you hire a cleaning service to help with that at least! Let me know if you need it❤️

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6 months ago on 05/07/2020 at 6:19 PM

Hang in there. 5 years from now your family will reminisce over these days n will hv some good laughs!

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6 months ago on 05/07/2020 at 6:21 PM

My husband had his ankle and shin break into 50 places after a bad motorcycle accident 2 months ago. It’s hardest for the first 2 weeks and then the pain gets more manageable, at least for my husband. His disposition changed so much when he got the iWalk 2. 0! Such a lifesaver and he got so much of his life back. Highly recommend checking out. If you would like your husband can talk to my husband. I can PM you his phone number.

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6 months ago on 05/07/2020 at 6:23 PM

My husband also got a lot more helpful with the kids and was much more independent once getting the iWalk. He really needed a lot of help and couldn’t do much with the kids either for the first 2 weeks he was just out of it from pain meds and discomfort.

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6 months ago on 05/07/2020 at 6:29 PM

Get in your car and go fir an essentially needed drive. music up. fresh air clears ur mind. Hang in there.

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6 months ago on 05/07/2020 at 6:49 PM

Wish I was there to help 💜 Hang in there!

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6 months ago on 05/07/2020 at 7:23 PM

That’s so rough! Do basic chores only. Laundry can be stored in a basket. Take time for yourself! Schedule it. Make it happen. They can eat pretzels and cheese sticks and apple sauces. Take yourself out for a walk or do grocery shopping or hide in the your room for an hour a day. Hope he heals well soon!

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6 months ago on 05/07/2020 at 7:42 PM

Lock yourself in your bedroom and watch Netflix and drink! That’s what I do!

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6 months ago on 05/07/2020 at 7:55 PM

Go for a long drive. Even if it's just driving on the highway. Listen to your favorite music and perform your own concert. You'll feel better afterwards. If that doesn't work, have a glass of wine and frozen chocolate.

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6 months ago on 05/07/2020 at 8:03 PM

Ask for help, park ridge care team!

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6 months ago on 05/07/2020 at 8:06 PM

Thank you again ladies for great advice and tips! Im ending my night with a nice bottle of pinot (the whole bottle) in my room and listening to some of my favorite music and also doing some of my homework for classes im taking yeah not so fun but at least im getting some quiet time! you guys are all so amazing you too stay strong safe and healthy.

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6 months ago on 05/07/2020 at 8:22 PM

I suggest having a calm family meeting. Everyone can speak about their personal issues and then the family as a group can set to work to meet the needs of the various family members. We did this once many years ago and even the 4 year old volunteered to take on extra responsibilities.

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6 months ago on 05/07/2020 at 9:31 PM

Zoom with some besties! Have a glass of wine or whatever you choose and have a few laughs. No talking about your struggles just for an hour. Talk about old days, funny movies or whatever makes you laugh.

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6 months ago on 05/07/2020 at 9:42 PM

Wine. Lots of wine. I broke my foot a few months back and it was mentally and physically draining ( on both my boyfriend and I). Take a bath and have some wine when everyone goes to bed.

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6 months ago on 05/07/2020 at 9:59 PM

Grab a bottle of vino and just leave. Husband and kids will be fine

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6 months ago on 05/07/2020 at 11:37 PM

F the chores and leave the house! Do your thing girl and don’t ever feel bad for taking care of yourself!

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6 months ago on 05/08/2020 at 11:22 AM

Your doing a great job. I feel your pain. My husband is going through cancer. And this is his second cancer in 14 months. The 2nd cancer is not responding and it's growing. He is also so crabby. It sometimes seems hatefull.

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6 months ago on 05/08/2020 at 11:48 AM

Have the kids help. Not sure how old but they can help. Assign a schedule and structure for them. They can earn t. v time, game time. And after they have lunch and they have game tell them you must nap. For everyone’s good mom has to be well. Speak to your husband. He can still see to it they follow through on chores. Good luck.

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6 months ago on 05/08/2020 at 2:55 PM

They better start helping you around and be nice and appreciative, or else. Take care of yourself because if you don’t, no one else will. You have needs to! https://youtu.be/X6R6xP6nxOk

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6 months ago on 05/08/2020 at 4:18 PM

Hot shower. Warm bath with Dr. Teals Lavender Epsom Salts.

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6 months ago on 05/08/2020 at 4:24 PM

If your kids are old enough to do chores, make them do it ! Tell em, Make a list. Assign them chores for each day. Or have one be in charge of the laundry, one for dishes, one for cleaning, vacuuming, whatever. If they are ABLE BODIED, they can DO IT! What I do when I come home from work? Change my clothes in the bathroom, do my duty, ” put the fan on, and “unwind “ for 10 minutes! Works for me ! 😉

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